I Am Vulnerable




Ok, honestly. Who would want to be helpless, powerless or defenseless? Not me. Being vulnerable basically means you are weak, right? Being vulnerable means tearing your walls down and letting people see you. It means you are fully trusting and putting faith in humanity to take care of your heart and emotions.  Not being vulnerable is the sober version of doing drugs or having an alcohol addiction. Not as extreme, but could potentially have the same effect.  When someone does drugs to mask the pain, they are masking the pain and the happiness. When you pop a pill, you don’t get to choose what you feel and don’t feel. You simply don’t feel. The same with your emotions. If you are programmed to not feel, you will constantly fight the battle with your anxiety’s because you want to feel the good but not the bad.  At this point, I’d rather feel everything, than nothing. I want to experience extreme happiness and sadness, pain, anger, excitement, joy, love, and warmth.

 We are fully aware of the risk we take letting people in, but we do it anyway.

Basically, you are standing naked in a room with your hands and ankles cuffed, trusting that the monsters won’t harm you. Your naked body represents your heart and soul. The monsters represent the human race.

 Why do we do this? Who would want to risk their heart, mind, body and soul just to have some deep feelings and connection ?

That is exactly why.  Just to have some deep feelings and connection. You see, being safe, secure and guarded means you can never truly and fully have a real relationship with anyone.  One of the most important components of any relationship is trust and being uncovered.

I can’t speak for anyone but myself but I have only recently put in an effort to be less emotionally blocked.  I have realized that at almost 26 years I have never had a real relationship with someone outside of my family, due to me not allowing my walls to come down.  As far back as I can remember, I had a wall up. I would only let people get so close and then push them away.  It’s so easy to shut people out when the thoughts in your head start running wild. I still do it at times, but it’s because I’m learning to be vulnerable. My ultimate goal is to be able to shut the voices down and be able to look past what I have been through. In return, I hope to experience a real relationship. Boyfriend, friend, colleague, neighbor, etc.

For me, It was as simple as waking up one day thinking to myself, I don’t want to be alone anymore.   I can’t go my whole life as a single mom not having a man to come home to every night and enjoy life with.  To be able to experience this fully, I needed to make a vow to myself that I will become more open and vulnerable with my emotions.  I also want to set a good example for my daughter.  I want her to have a fair shot at having faith in humanity.

The thought of it is super easy.  But following through with it, is a whole different story.  Bringing peace and serenity to your life is a big part of being vulnerable.  It is so important that you are content with yourself and have a good relationship with yourself before you open up your heart to the world.  I feel that once you have been molded, it’s very hard to change.  If you put my mind and heart into it, you can do anything.

Vulnerability, trust and faith go hand in hand. I’m not saying you have to trust every single person you come in contact with, by any means. But what I am saying is that you need to give them a chance. Just because someone cheated on you in your past, doesn’t mean the next person that comes along will do the same.  Just because someone did not support your goals and dreams, doesn’t mean that the next person won’t fully support everything you heart desires and more.  Just because you had a friend that betrayed you, doesnt mean all friends will do the same.

If you think about it, being vulnerable is the exact opposite of what the Webster dictionary describes it as. Yes, you are uncovered and exposed, but you are strong for being able to demonstrate this quality. You are powerful and brave for being able to know the immediate risk you are taking by tearing your walls down.

I challenge you. Anyone reading this, please, open up.  Let the world see who you are and what you stand for.  The world needs more love and trust.  Without realizing it, you may make the man or woman of your dreams fall in love with you. You may change someones life.  You may even change your own life. 

Nighty night XO Samantha

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