lifestyle

P.S. I love You Day

In honor of PS I Love You Day tomorrow, I figured I’d share a little anxiety awareness to let y’all know you’re not alone if ok you feel this way, too.

What if I don’t wake up on time tomorrow? What if there’s more traffic than anticipated? Omg! I hope we don’t get to the school too late, then I’ll have to go inside. What if I get into a car accident? What if I am the cause of a car accident? What if I get pulled over? Then I’ll be late for work. Do these pants look bad? I wear the same shoes every day. How about this shirt? I wear the same 3 outfits every day. Do you think they notice ? Why do I keep wearing these pants even though I don’t like the way they look? What if I get yelled at by a customer today? I’m not in the mood to get yelled at. Look how cute my pups are.. it makes me so sad that they’ll be crated while I work. I hope the don’t go to the bathroom in the crate, I’d feel terrible if they had to sit in it all day. What if something happens at school while I’m at work? I’m so far away. My gas lights on. I’m not going to make it to work. I need to stop for gas.. but if I do, I’ll be late. Do I take the stairs or the elevator? If I take the stairs, I’ll be catching my breath for 10 min. If I take the elevator, people will think I’m lazy. Omg all these big trucks on The expressway. What if this person next to me doesn’t let me merge and I miss my exit. You don’t have to stare at me, I know my hair is wet in the middle of the winter but I didn’t have time to get ready this morning or any other morning because I have a five-year-old to get ready for school. OK time to go home. I’m sure there will be a ton of traffic. I will most likely get stuck at every red light. I hope my daughter had a good day at school today. I really don’t wanna go to work tomorrow.Where does this traffic even come from? Did I mention I don’t want to go to work tomorrow?

If you made it this far, congrats. You just read 10% of the ridiculous things that go through my head on a daily basis. Mental illness is something that a majority of people struggle with. The fact that there are so many different types of mental illnesses amaze me. Though, I can only speak on my experience with generalized anxiety and depression.

Anxiety and depression is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. Depression comes in waives and I can fight through it but the anxiety…. Woah. Let. Me. Tell. You. It’s not fun.

Anxiety is holding back. Anxiety is not making new friends because you already feel like they don’t like you. It’s losing relationships you already have because you feel like they’re fake to you. Anxiety is not going to the gym be you fear you’ll be judged. Anxiety is not getting up to go to the bathroom because you don’t want to bring attention to you. Anxiety is not sleeping at night because you’re afraid you won’t wake up. It’s a feeling of constant failure because you feel you’re not normal. It’s something that someone who does have it, doesn’t understand. But those who do have, are your biggest supporters.

What can we do about it? Talk. Let it out. Be the voice for those who have none. Ask questions. Be interested. Genuinely interested. If you don’t get it, try.

We’re not weird. We’re not different. We’re just more careful and cautious than others. The person sitting next to you may have a whole lot more going on than you know. So please, be kind. Please, be respectful. And please, love one another.

Ps…. I love you

XOXO Samantha

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Maintain Your Growth

You’ve come so far. But what goes up must come down… right ? Wrong.

How many times have you talked yourself out of an anxiety attack? How many fights have you avoided by picking and choosing your battles? You’re saving money. You are happy. Things are going great and your life is on the up and up.

Right now, in a mental space, I’m floating on cloud 9. Noone can take me down. I’m taking my vitamins and eating healthy. Im actively in therapy to continue to maintain my mental health. My relationships are healthy (for the most part) and work is …. amazing. Things are great.

But… What happens when someone or something pushes me too far ? What happens when something goes wrong ? Its inevitable. What goes up must come down… right?

That rule doesn’t apply to me anymore. And it shouldn’t apply to you either. You choose your own happiness and noone can do it for you.

When things are going great, it’s easy to have a positive outlook on life. When things are going not so great, it’s even easier to have a negative outlook on life. Simple math.

What if I told you there is a way to maintain a positive, optimistic attitude no matter to situation or life phase.

WARNING: THIS IS NOT EASY.

When I wake up in the morning, I talk myself into having a good day. Snuggle with my pups and my daughter. Listen to some music, have a cup of coffee or tea, have a glass of water. Sing and dance a bit. Pump it up. Get the blood flowing.

Next thing I know, it’s time to get going for the day. The race is on. But I can still keep that same energy that I created when I woke up. I find that I have to constantly remind myself to stay positive or to “keep up the good work.” And I must say… there is nothing wrong with reminding yourself.

Awareness is everything. Awareness and acceptance. The two “A” words I always cringed at. What does awareness even mean? Awareness is education. Awareness is being informed. Awareness is being present. Awareness is knowledge. And acceptance. Oh, Acceptance. This is such a powerful word. Acceptance is being content. Acceptance is agreeing with what is. Acceptance is loving for who and what you are. Acceptance is the first step.

The next time you feel like you’re getting into a negative mood or feel like you may want to put someones head through the wall. Remember these two words. Awareness and acceptance.

I’d love to hear from you about what helps you maintain a healthy mental mindset. Send me a message or comment with your thoughts!

XOXO sam.

empowering · lifestyle · motivation

Staying Focused

This morning someone asked me “If you could pick one word to focus on in 2019 what would it be?”

I hadn’t really thought about it until now. But for some reason the word came to me so quickly.

Focused

Staying focused could mean SO many different things, thats why its important to me. It branches off to so many other goals of mine.

When your brain is focused, you’re motivated. You’ll do whatever it takes to reach your goal.

It’s very easy to lollygag around life without a worry, completely unfocused. But it takes strength and willpower to remain concentrated on your mission.

Some goals of mine for 2019 are getting and remaining healthy, becoming secure and happy with my job, saving money to move to Florida and continuing to improve my mental health.

When you break each of these goals break down, it all comes down to one thing if you want to be successful. Staying focused.

Think about it as taking a test in high school or college. You can study and prep all you want. You could be the smartest kid in the class. But if your brain is somewhere else the day of the test, you probably won’t score as expected.

Staying focused is not only essential for reaching your goals but it is an imperative to all decision making, perception and learning. Steve Jobs didn’t get to where he did by watching TV while he worked and researched. RIP💕

When I think of the word focus, I think of everything I spoke about thus far. But if I dig a little deeper, I also think about me. It’s time to not worry so much about other people – just worry about my family and myself. Stop comparing myself to other moms or other writers. Stop measuring the difference between myself and other people at work or my friends.

I need to focus on me

..And I’m sure you do, too.

Until next time,

XOXO samantha

blogger · empowering · Growing up · inspire · lifestyle · motivation · photographer

Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.

Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.” Let me say that again for the people in the cheap seats” – Rachel Hollis, Girl, Wash Your Face

Please say that again. Repeat it so many times that you start to believe it. I started listening to the audible version of “Girl Wash Your Face” and I feel like I found my blogger/social media/author spirit animal/soul mate. Rachel writes about her experience with life and aspires to inspire and motivate women.

I’m about halfway through the book and each chapter is better than the last. My favorite part of the book so far is where she talks about something her therapist told her as a young girl.

Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business.

Wow.

First of all. My therapist tells me this ALL the time, so kudos to the great therapists that hold us women together.

Second of all. Wow. This quote speaks to me on so many levels.

We are always so worried about what people think of us. Truth of the matter is, people are entitled to their opinions on books, politics, music, movies AND what they think about you.

As humans, its in our nature to wonder (and worry) about how we are viewed. Society is cruel. High school was cruel. The workplace can be cruel. Sometimes so cruel that it gives us so much anxiety we are unable to perform our daily functions.

I’m pretty sure every woman has been called fat or ugly at some point in their lives. (By the way, you are not fat or ugly. You are perfect just the way you are in every way.) Now, those asshole guys from high school that called you fat brought your confidence DOWN. You used to love summer and being at the beach. Now you wont be caught dead wearing shorts, let alone a bathing suit.

You may have a really difficult co-worker that just doesn’t get you. Everything you do, they have to criticize. Everytime you try to help or develop or bond with your team, they think youre kissing ass. Reality check: you’re just being a good person and doing what makes YOU happy. But because of the judgement, you decide to back down and not lead the way anymore.

I’m sure you have dealt with judgement at least once in your lifetime, if not hundreds of times. It’s not about what these people think of you. It’s how you react to it.

“So and so called me fat.”

“This one thinks Im a kiss ass.”

“Another one thinks Im a bitch.”

“Did he just call me stupid?”

“They always said Ill never get anywhere in life.”

The most successful and happiest of people do not let people’s opinions of them get in their way. Let’s take the most beautiful and amazing plus size model for example. Ashley Graham. Many people have called her fat. She did NOT let what people say get in her way. She’s been on TONS of magazine covers and even on the cover of Sports Illustrated. She didn’t let the assholes get in her way.

The female business owner was always told she would never amount to anything because she is a woman. Because she doesn’t have an education. Because all she knows how to do is be a mom. Day in and day out she was criticizing by people around her. Dealt with HR related issues for being treated unfairly and even struggled with unfair pay because she was a woman. She did not let these people’s thoughts get to her or get in her way. She did what SHE wanted to do and what she was nade to do.

My point is simple.

The act ? Not so simple. It takes TIME and EFFORT to practice not giving a shit about what people think of you. It takes patience and lots of falling down and picking yourself up again, to not listen to words that shouldn’t concern you.

Start off small. Keep a picture of the quote “Someone else’s opinion of you is none of your business” as your background on your phone. Remind yourself day in and day out that their opinions are invalid and mean absolutely nothing. Eventually, you won’t even be phased by most of the negative talk.

After all, the only opinions that matter, will be given to you with the purest of intentions by the most amazing, loving people in your life, that want to see you succeed.

Crazy to think that there’s people that want to see you happy, right?

XOXO Samantha.

blogger · empowering · Growing up · inspire · lifestyle · motivation · photographer · Uncategorized

Girl, Slow Down.

I’m the type of person that always needs to learn something or take something away from negative and positive things that happen to me. It’s my nature. Sometimes it just clicks and I get it right away. Other times it takes a little time. This particular incident took me a few months to learn from.

Back in November I was involved in some scary stuff. I’m going to spare the details for now but I will say, it was 100% not my fault and I got messed up pretty bad.

I remember thinking to myself, “Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? I’m getting some bad karma right now.” That was the mindset I had. Instead of just taking away something from it, I had the “Everything happens for a reason” motto stuck in my head. I felt that I did something terrible and was being punished for it.

Our brains go to what we know. It’s who we are.

It took a lot of therapy and thinking outside the box to figure this one out. What I learned from this actually has nothing to do with the incident itself.

What I learned has everything to do with my physical health, mental health and relationships. I learned who is there for me through thick and thin. I learned that it is SO important to take care of your body. Feed it right, move it right and don’t take it for granted. I learned that money isn’t everything. But most of all I learned to slow the heck down. Life is not a race. Time doesn’t really matter. What you make of your time is what matters.

Life is not a race? Yeah, OK, try telling that to every single Long Islander in rush hour traffic. Well, getting to work on time is important. If it’s so important, get up earlier. Plan better. ( I know I have to plan better ) What I mean by “slow down, life is not a race” is exactly what I said. For example, when this first happened, all I could think about was getting back to work and moving on with my life. I suffered from some pretty extensive injuries from this and it wasn’t as easy as “getting back to work and moving on with my life.” I had to put what really didn’t matter aside and put my health first. For once in my life, I had to put myself first.

I now find myself driving slower, taking my time when doing things and not being in a rush to get life out of the way. We should not be in a rush to get life out of the way. 

It took me a while to learn this and get used to putting myself first. At first I felt lazy for knowing my limits. I found myself comparing myself to other moms and my friends. I often found myself getting depressed over not being able to go to NYC during Christmas. Or not being able to go Christmas shopping. I literally ordered all my Christmas gifts from Amazon this year. NO JOKE! I was stuck in a funk. But none of those things mattered. I was taking care of myself. And from this day on, I will continue to do so.

Please, don’t take your life for granted. As a human race, overall, we take advantage of the simple things. We can change the way we think and become more appreciative of the little things in life. It starts with you!

 

XOXO Samantha Erica

 

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Take A Little.

How many people do you think we meet in our lifetime? I guess it really depends on how introverted or extroverted you are. The truth is, we come into contact with so many people on a daily basis! Think about it… people you work with, people you dont work with but are in the same building, people at Starbucks, the gym, grocery store, etc. Do you talk to these people? If so, what’s the quality of conversation? Are you standoffish or do you dive right in? For me, it all depends. On my mood- that is. Everything depends on my mood, just ask my best friends.

These people we meet. Most are temporary. Many of these people will not be in our lives forever. That is okay. I promise. It gets better.

I used to be the person to get totally bent out of shape when someone walked out of my life or I walked out of theirs. Instead of appreciating what we had offered each other during our time in each other’s lives, I dwelled on “what if’s.”

As I’m growing, maturing and learning more about myself, I’m understanding every relationship is a gift. No relationship is perfect. Friends, family, significant others, etc. And like I said, most wont last forever.

What I have learned to do, is learn something from (most) people I come into contact with and appreciate what I have, when I have it.

For instance, I dated this guy over the winter. He was so amazing, dreamy, mature… BLAH BLAH BLAH. His flaw, workaholic. Totally obsessed with making money that he felt the need to have to choose between a relationship or his job. He chose the job, of course. I took a little from him. Work life balance.

Another example, my (x) boyfriend and I recently broke up. We had a connection from the minute we locked eyes. Something I have NEVER experienced before. Fairytale feelings. The kind where people would think we were crazy if we told them how we really felt about each other. It didnt last very long because of our own issues, but that’s not the point. This man… pushed me to do something I’ve wanted to do for years. He didn’t literally push me or force me to do anything. He gave me motivation to do it. I suffer from extreme anxiety and get lost in my own head way too much. I have been wanting to get help and go to therapy for years but always made excuses. The biggest being I don’t have time. Guess what I did, I made time and stopped making excuses. I will forever love him for giving me the gift of self love and self preservation. I took a little lot from him.

I had a boss. I’ve had a lot of bosses 🤣 Anyway, I had a boss at the bank that was totally the best. He was an inspiration to everyone. Everyone wanted to be his friend, employee or mentee and we all look up to him. He taught us so much about being a team and always doing the right thing. Mr.Boss picked up and transferred to his dream state. California. I learned to take care of yourself first and dont let anything hold you back. I took a little lot from him.

I guess I should have titled this “Take A Lot” but that would sound greedy. Take and learn as much as you can from the people around you. Self care is not selfish. If anything, its selfLESS because you cant pour from an empty glass.

It’s easy to get twisted up about losing someone special to you, but if you change the negative to a positive and appreciate the good they presented you with, you’ll find yourself healing a lot quicker.

I truly believe that everything that we do and everyone that we meet is put in our path for a purpose. There are no accidents; we’re all teachers – if we’re willing to pay attention to the lessons we learn, trust our positive instincts and not be afraid to take risks or wait for some miracle to come knocking at our door.” -Marla Gibbs

🖤samantha.

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Get to know yourself.

Let’s call it, soul searching. Over the past month or so I’ve been doing a lot of communicating and digging deep into myself and learning TONS of things about myself that I never knew. I’m learning why I do the things I do, why I say the things I say, why I have no normal relationships, why I stir up the pot and how I became so down on myself over the years.

See, we dont become who we are over night. We are taught, in some way or another. Until we self discover, were just going to keep living the way we have always lived. Sometimes, it takes a big loss or tragic event to take place before we make a change. And then sometimes, we make changes to prevent a big loss or tragic event.

First things first, you must recognize that there is a problem that needs to be fixed. You must recognize that there is a problem that needs to be fixed. That’s powerful. When you’re set in your ways for years and years and years, it’s hard AF to admit there’s a problem or to even SEE there’s a problem. Many people may have told you your whole life you have an attitude or you’re so negative all the time but until YOU see it, nothing will change.

When I say I’ve been doing soul searching, I’m referring to therapy. As a teen and young adult, I’ve been to a handful of therapists and counselors for different reasons. What I can say about the past times I went is I was not ready for change. If I was ready for change back there, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I am a firm believe that everything happens for a reason. So, if I would have been ready back then I may not have all that I have now. I may not have had Christina or met my amazing boyfriend. I might not be close to my family or have the job I have.

Now… I’m ready. My reasons for being ready may be different than yours. All I know is it has been, top 5, one of the best decision of my life. I’ve learned so much about myself the past month and will continue to put work in. I will continue to practice being calm, cool and collective (this part is hard for me for many reasons, but I have hope) I will continue to stop and breathe when I feel like stirring the pot. And the most important, I will continue to keep my eyes open, stay present and love with my arms and heart wide open. This is NOT easy, I will never tell you it is. The past month has been the most uncomfortable time of my life. Simply because its brand new grounds for me. But each day, I rest my head feeling a little more satisfied and at peace with myself.

Make changes, Keep calm and live in the moment. Love you all, Samantha

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Breaking up with yourself.

Dear you,

It’s not you, its me. I think we should see other people. As I grow, and you don’t, we just aren’t right for eachother anymore. I can’t have you sitting in my head all day telling me things that don’t exist or trying to make me believe things that will never happen. You creep up on me when I least expect it and when I’m feeling really good. You ruin everything.

You’re ugly.

You’re fat. 

You’re worthless.

The world would be better off without you. 

You’re not the only girl he’s dating. 

He’s cheating on you.

He’s lying. 

They don’t like you.

You’ll never succeed. 

Your family doesn’t like you.

You’re a bad mom. 

Most mornings, I wake up with a knot in my stomach because of you. Sometimes, I don’t even know why. But in the back of my head, I know, it’s because of you. It takes me longer to get out of bed and you leave me feeling less motivated and quite frankly, exhausted after you’ve played your part and left me high and dry.

I can’t describe the way you make me feel. But I do know you’re toxic. You’re toxic to me. Toxic to my daughter, family, friends, career, strangers, boyfriend.

When I block your number, you just keep coming back. I move to a new home and you seem to locate me everytime.

Today, I put my foot down. Enough is enough. I’m sick of feeling guilty and regretful after every episode or attack. I’m sick of putting myself down, after you put me down for hours on end and then leaving without a trace. I’m sick of missing out on things, passing up opportunities, ditching friends, avoiding family and fighting with loved ones. Enough is enough.

I promise it’s not you, it’s me. I’ve outgrown you.

Anxiety, Please leave me alone or I’ll get you on harassment charges.

From, not love, Samantha.



So, I’m here to promote and spread positivity. To be a motivational platform for more than just people I “know.” What does writing to my inner voice have to do with positivity? I’m showing you that it’s okay to not be perfect all the time. But… it’s even better to break up with the toxicity of your own head. You don’t have to deal with anything you don’t want to. It’s okay to have bad days but don’t let those bad days turn into bad weeks and bad months. Shake it off and break it off. How long are you going to sit in your own shit ? How long …

Gouda night. I love cheese and I love you all !

LOVE, Samantha

gouda night.jpg

Uncategorized

Staying Present.

How many times have you heard someone tell you to stay in the moment and be present? I know I’ve heard my mother say this to me so much throughout the past few years. It always sounds SO much easier than it really is. What does that even mean? Of course I’m present. I’m here aren’t I?

Wrong.

My body is here. But my head is there. I’m looking at you and hearing you but I’m not listening. I’m scrolling through social media, I’m thinking about the bills that need to be paid or how much I don’t want to go to work on Monday (when its’s only Friday) Why am I thinking about Monday when it’s only Friday? **insert thinking emoji here**

thinking emoji.png

Lately, I’ve been trying to be more presentIt’s hard, don’t get me wrong, but I do find myself enjoying my time a LOT more than I have in the past. I’m a better mom, daughter, girlfriend, friend and worker. I’m happier. I deleted social media apps from my phone so its not as convenient for me to get into, I disabled notifications on my phone except for important things such as texts, phone calls and updates on my daughters school and I fight my brain every single moment of every single day to push away all the “other” feelings, emotions and thoughts. Easy? No.

Simplifying my life has helped me become more present because I don’t have all these things preventing me from living my best moment. This the best way I can describe how I do it. I’m also only at the beginning stages of simplifying my life, so as I develop more thoughts and best practices, you KNOW I’ll be sharing !!

Nothing bothers me more than having an important conversation with someone and they pick up their phone and start scrolling through Instagram or answer a text. That can wait. This isn’t being selfish, its being present and enjoying the moment. It’s also showing the other person you care about what they have to say and what they are talking about is important.  How about after being intimate with a loved one and them rolling over and checking their phone RIGHT AFTER? Hello.. cuddle me please. ENJOY THE MOMENT.

I can’t stress it enough how hard it really is to do everything I just said, especially if you have an addictive personality or an anxious mind. But I promise you, the more you work at it and the more you simplify, the easier it gets to enjoy and LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE!

Some things I’ve been doing to help simplify are

  • Meal prepping
  • Wearing the same clothes (washing them of course,) so I don’t have to think about what I wear
  • Deleting apps/disable notifications
  • THROW THINGS AWAY/DONATE
  • Not keeping my phone next to me at all time
  • Being more social ( to help practice being in the moment)
  • MEDITATE, MEDITATE, MEDITATE ( I just go on Youtube for guided meditation before bed) I’ll post some links below.

There’s no better feeling than talking to someone and having nothing else on your mind. That’s the goal.  We’re only human, it’s not going to be perfect… ever. But the more we work toward living our best life, the happier we will be.

 

Happy Humpday !!

humpday.png

 

XOXO SAMANTHA

 

 

**I do not own rights to these Youtube channels, just throwing them out there for your use**

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX159cvbQYBvMFvpdsbIDdA

 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqPYhcdFgrlUXiGmPRAej1w

 

https://www.youtube.com/user/MichaelSealey

 

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My Happy Place

Months ago, I wrote about my happy place. The actual place. Argyle Lake.   There are so many other “happy places” other than an actual place. You can find your happy place in a person, a song or your career. You can find it in reading, writing or your even your dog. Sometimes, we find happiness in the bottom of the bottle or self destructive activities but we’ll save that post for another time. Tonight is all about positivity and straight up LOVE.

When you find your happy place in a person, you’ll know they are the one. You will feel at home. You won’t have any sadness, even through the stress. You won’t feel the need to cope with your problems the way you used to because that person is your crutch. They lift you up when you are down and ALWAYS make sure you are okay. You may know this person your whole life or you may have only met them a few weeks ago. No matter how long, you’ll know. You’ll always know. 

I never believed in finding happiness through a person. I always felt it had to come from within. Yes, this is true. You need to love yourself before you can love someone else. BUT, there is nothing wrong with having a person to influence you to love yourself and find your happiness. That person may even be your happy place. 

Find someone that supports you. Not financially – but emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Find someone that encourages your growth and well being. Find someone that makes you feel like you can accomplish anything with or without them. Find someone that knows your worth just as much as you do. Find that person you want to kiss good-night and good-morning every single day.

Now, obviously there is inspiration behind this post but don’t you dare think for a second that your person HAS to be a lover. This person can be just a friend, too. I’ve found a lot of happiness in friendships and family members.

Like I said, Find someone that supports you and encourages positivity. Someone that knows your worth.  If its a family member or a friend, you may want to steer away from the kissing goodnight and good morning. **This is where you laugh**

Just when you think life is amazing, a curveball is thrown at you and makes life even MORE amazing. Don’t ever give up finding your happy placeperson ( One word, Can I make that a word ?)  You don’t always have to actively look and work for it ; Just live your life and it will find you. 

 

Short post tonight. I promise – I’ll slowly get back into this. I love you all dearly. ♥♥♥ Samantha Erica Theresa Anderson